A New Lease On Life: Believe

 

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“This is your new lease on life. Believe and trust in me!

This is what I heard one morning as I was getting ready for the day. This past year of my healing journey, though difficult at times, has been one of my best years for change. But, it seems old feelings of unworthiness and lack of purpose still resurface.

Having a new lease on life means you’ve been given the chance to improve and live a longer, happier life. It also gives new opportunities and a brighter outlook.

I started thinking about all the positive changes in my life over the last year. From leaving a relationship to meeting my weight-loss goal, which has allowed me to do much more physically and boosted my confidence.

I joined the praise and worship team and now sing and teach in Children’s Ministry. Writing this blog on my healing journey, helping others and me, is another positive change. I’ve also gained some amazing friends and church family, and continue to have family support. My sons are healthy and I am proud of the young men they are becoming. I’ve also put myself on a budget to help in my finances.

I have so many blessings to be thankful for.

So why do I feel like it’s all going to be snatched away? When I got this word and started thinking about it, something clicked.  Tears came to my eyes and I started praying a deep, heartfelt prayer. I prayed for forgiveness from God and for myself. Instead of thanking God for all my blessings, I caught myself doubting I was worthy of God’s blessings. I had a “too good to be true” attitude. I wasn’t believing all I accomplished would last. Fear of the unknown crept into my new world. Psalm 112:7 says: “He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord” (ESV).

I decided to figure out why I lost confidence in myself. I overcame much in such a short amount of time. I did a re-evaluation of how I’ve been spending my time.

I found I wasn’t trusting in God and I wasn’t putting God first. It’s more than just checking GOD off the list of daily things to do. Having God in your life is about having Him as a part of who you are. It’s having faith He will get you through the hard times. It’s knowing God has a plan for you.

I fell away from being close with Him in a few different ways. I wasn’t reading God’s word and praying daily. My times of singing my praise and worship, other than at church, dwindled. I set a goal of writing more for my blog and failed to meet it.  I also needed to close a door from my past, which caused me anxiety and hindered my walk with God.

Once I realized where I was going wrong I started making changes again. Some teachings at church have helped tremendously in setting boundaries which freed up some time. Setting boundaries also gains respect for yourself and others. I pray and read Gods word daily. I’m doing a 30 day challenge of just listening to Christian music so I can do my praise and worship. I’ve set a new goal in my blog writing which is more realistic and fits in more with my schedule.  I closed a door lessening the anxiety in me.

I will continue to move forward on this journey and not beat myself up every time I make a mistake or a poor choice. I will tell myself I am worthy and continue to improve my self-image. I will believe and trust in God in every minute of every day.

My favorite scripture, Philipeans 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” still encourages me.

Stay tuned …

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