Divorce: Triggered by Brokenness, Saved by God’s Love

all-things

Brokenness led to my divorce, but having God’s love in my life saved me.  This love, like no other,  has made such a difference in who I am today.  My identity, the woman God intended for me to be, is being unveiled.  I’ve learned God sometimes puts you in difficult situations so you depend on Him. By leaning on Him, He gives you the strength to get through the hard times. This is why I like this verse: Philipians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

A year ago, I was in an unhappy marriage which led to separation and ultimately, divorce.  My decision was not made lightly.   In my heart, I felt separated from my husband, already.  I had  gone through months of counseling, which helped to a certain extent, but I was still discouraged.  Nothing I was doing on my own, as far as I could see, was changing anything in my marriage.

The decision to divorce was one, only I could make.   No counselor, friend, or family member could make it for me.  Although my unhappiness was affecting my boys and my mental and physical health,  I didn’t want my emotions to get the best of me and make an irrational choice.

I was worried about what others would think, but I was more concerned about God’s opinion of me.

I was ashamed and felt like God was mad at me for even thinking about divorce, especially because it wasn’t the first time.   During the time I was separated, having filed for divorce, I gained some knowledge I later realized was from a loving God, not a judgmental God.

In one instance, I was looking for a new church for my two boys and me to attend.  The church I chose this particular Sunday was reasonably close, and,  since it was winter and the roads were bad, it seemed a good choice.  I didn’t have any knowledge of this church.  The fact that  I chose this church to go to on the same day the pastor spoke on divorce, tells me I was meant to be there.  The pastor’s message explained scripture which helped me in my decision.

Another time was in my weekly Bible study in which the book of Matthew was being studied.  Divorce is discussed in the book of Matthew.  During this study, the principles  helped me understand the allowances God gives because of his sacrifice for the sins of people.   A good friend of mine, who has also been through divorce, confirmed for me that God gave us divorce because of the hardness of hearts of either spouse or both.

God is always with me, even when I don’t deserve it.

The more time I spend with God, the more I understand that He doesn’t make a count of my wrongs and hold it against me.  Because I have accepted Him, He gives me His grace and mercy.  With His mercy, there is no judgment for my sins.  God’s grace gives me His blessings and the promise of eternal life in heaven.  I deserve neither of these,  but because I walk with Him, He unconditionally gives.

A whole new world opened up to me once I realized there was no condemnation from Jesus.  John 5:24  says this:  “Jesus said, ‘I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will never be condemned.'”

This past year has shown me the good that can come out of bad.  God placed certain people in my life to help me understand who He truly is. I have opened my heart, eyes and ears to Him.  My faith and trust in God has minimized my fears and given me the courage and strength to do things I would have never dreamed of doing.  I’m slowly relinquishing my hold on trying to control situations, I have no control over, which brings me peace.

My divorce was a major loss.  It was an end to something I believed was going to last until the day either one of us passed.  But with this loss, I’ve gained certain things and let go of things I didn’t need.  Instead of unhappiness, low self-worth, fear and resentment, I have happiness, courage, faith and hope.  I am also, no matter how difficult, understanding the power of forgiveness.   Forgiveness frees the other person, but more importantly, frees me from bitterness, anger, resentment, and fear.  (Garcia, 2014).  When I can truly forgive is when I can move on with no ties to my broken past.  With each passing day, I’m gaining the confidence I need to continue on this journey.

lost-found

I am now writing, singing, and most recently, teaching in children’s ministry.  All of this has helped me in my healing, but my intention in writing about my journey in this blog is to show others there is always hope, no matter what the situation or relationship status is.   God’s love prevails in any situation.  I am, in no way, promoting divorce.

A poem I wrote, Triggered by Brokenness, Saved by God’s Love, reflects this healing journey and my desire to help others.

Triggered by Brokenness, Saved by God’s Love

A grown woman
A broken past
But with God’s love
It’s not meant to last

She’s stronger than she knows
Waiting for her words
She’ll overcome her struggles
Because He loves her so

She wants to help others
By using her voice
Other sisters and brothers
Who feel they have no choice

She’ll take up her pen
She’ll remember the pain
But then it will be behind her
As she moves forward again

This journey will go on forever
Each day a new page
Each victory a new chapter
For the next day and age

 

Stay tuned   …

 

References:

Garcia, D.M. (2014): The SIA: Are You Haunted? Clio: God’s Ghostbusters.

 

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